Light On
by shellgirl123
Summary: Oneshot.  *Song fic*  When Leo left, his absence took its toll on the family, each in a unique way.  This is the musings of each brother and how his absence affected them.


He threw the small satchel over his shoulder, smoothed the covers over his neatly made bed and breathed deeply. He clutched the leather strap tightly in his palm and let his shadowed eyes scan over the spotless room, every one of his belongings set in place. He walked over to his bookshelf and ran a single finger over the polished surface, the tip running past book after book, some almost untouched, and others tattered and creased from use. His finger reached the edge of the shelf and he turned, his body facing the door hanging slightly ajar. He swallowed, then turned, blew out the only flickering candle, and purposefully headed for the door.

As he walked down the hall, he paused in front of the first door he came to. He put up a hand and placed it palm down against the barrier. He leaned his body forward and laid his head gently against the cool wood hearing it creak softly under his weight. He closed his eyes as he heard soft snoring emitting from the other side. He traced his finger down the grain of the wood as if he could transfer his calming touch to the being inside, as if he could will his sorrow and regret into the flowing dreams.

He moved on to the next door and repeated the ritual, his heart breaking more and more with each moment that passed, the last moments that he would spend in any of their company for a long time. How he wished he could have told them, said his goodbyes, told each one how much he would miss them while he was away, but he didn't. He was instructed not to and he hated breaking rules, even though this was the hardest rule he had ever abided by.

He finally came to the end of the hallway. His swords lay in their sheaths propped up against the near wall where his father had left them. He stood silently, staring at the weapons lying peacefully against the cement. He took his trembling hand and placed it on the hilt of one of his blades, allowing the familiar feel give him whatever strength he lacked. He dropped the small satchel to the floor and picked up the sheaths and slowly strapped them on, feeling their comforting weight on his back. He pulled the satchel back over his shoulder feeling sorrow that he had just completed the last of his tasks. The only thing left was to walk out the front door. He took a deep, shaky breath, his stomach turning at the thought of leaving. He let his eyes scan over the dark, empty living room which appeared lonely and forlorn without its normal occupants.

He took one more deep breath, then reached into his satchel and pulled out a small candle, laying the hardened wax on the edge of the end table. He pulled a small match out of the side pouch and struck the end on the edge of his belt, watching as it ignited immediately. He put the small flame to the wick of the candle, holding it steady until the fire caught the wick. He stood silently, staring at the small flickering flame, then reached back in the satchel and grabbed the small, folded piece of paper within. He laid it on the table next to the candle. He bit his lip, then turned his body away from the candle and took long strides toward the door with the remaining courage that he had. He opened the door and stepped through, then paused, turned toward the flickering light, watching the shadows dance across the walls. He swallowed hard, a lone tear threatening to escape the corner of his eye, then he turned and walked out the door, closing it softly behind him.

Never really said too much  
>Afraid it wouldn't be enough<br>Just try to keep my spirits up  
>When there's no point in grieving<p>

Doesn't matter anyway  
>Words could never make me stay<br>Words will never take my place  
>When you know I'm leaving<p>

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone  
>Something I rely on to get home<br>One I can feel at night  
>A naked light, a fire to keep me warm<br>Try to leave a light on when I'm gone  
>Even in the daylight, shine on<br>And when it's late at night you can look inside  
>You won't feel so alone<p>

Don rubbed his bleary eyes with his palms. His gaze met the computer screen again, the words still appearing blurry as he went into his tenth hour sitting in front of the glowing monitor. He laid his arms across the desk and laid his head down, his brown eyes still gazing at the screen. He moved his sight down to the small clock at the corner of the monitor. 2:30 AM. A soft sigh escaped his lips and he clenched his eyes closed in frustration.

He had locked himself in the lab hours ago after a long, drawn out fight with Raphael. He had breached the subject of their finances to his brothers and had tried to calmly suggest the idea of employment now that they were cursed with so much empty time. He had barely gotten to the end of his point before Raphael blew up. He had tried to stand up to his hot headed brother, he had tried to be strong yet compassionate, he had tried to keep the peace, but Raphael was beyond listening. He had stormed out of the lair, not before yelling a multitude of hurtful words toward his two other brothers, and hadn't returned. Don, at a loss of what to do had retreated to his sanctuary, immersing himself in his studies, trying to forget the awful confrontation before, and missing Leo so much that it hurt.

It had been six months since his brother had disappeared without a word or a goodbye. They had all been shocked to wake up the next morning and find their brother gone with nothing left behind but a small burning candle and a short, hand written poem. That hurtful and angry morning seemed like years ago, it was hard to believe it had only been a matter of months. Don lifted his head from his arms and again stared at the bright computer screen. A sound from the hall grabbed Don's attention and he turned his head, his eyes falling on Raphael who was quietly passing by the door, obviously trying to stay unseen. Don made a small throaty sound, causing Raph to freeze in front of the doorway. Don watched as Raph turned his eyes and met his. No words were said as the tension built in the room. Eventually Raph turned, their eye contact broken, and continued down the hall to his room.

Don dropped his head back to his arms on the desk, breathing deeply as a deep seated failure began to settle its way into his gut. Leo had always managed to stand up to Raph in a way that Raph could respond to. He stood strong during Raph's venting and managed to mend the relationship when Raph would come back home. But no matter how Don tried to handle his brash brother, it always seemed to blow up in his face. His and Raphael's relationship was becoming increasingly strained as Don tried to be strong and Raph learned that Don wasn't strong enough. Don was not the confrontational type, but ever since Leo left he was in a confrontation almost every day of his life. He had never appreciated Leo's confident presence until it was gone.

He took another deep breath, then lifted his head and flipped the monitor off. He stood, his muscles stiff from lack of movement. There was no more damage he could do tonight. He may as well try and get some sleep. Don rubbed his eyes again then slowly made his way to the door. He stepped into the dark hallway, but before heading down to his room, he turned and made his way to the living room. He saw the small candle sitting in the darkness on the end of the table in the same place it had been for six months. Don pulled out a match and lighted the wick, blanketing the room in a soft glow. He stood for a moment watching the candle light dance under his eyes. A deep longing bubbled deeply within him and he silently prayed that Leo would be home soon.

You know we've been down that road  
>What seems a thousand times before<br>My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons  
>That roll out underneath my heels<br>And you don't know how bad it feels  
>To leave the only ones that I have ever believed in<p>

His eyes shot open, the blankets entangled around his flailing form stuck to his sweat covered skin. Michelangelo took a deep, shaky breath and rubbed his palms against his eyes, his skin coming back wet with tears he hadn't realized he was shedding. He swallowed deeply, then finally allowed his frightened eyes to scan his surroundings. He was in his room, the lair was quiet, everything was fine. His thoughts did nothing to comfort him as his mind took him back to the horrifying images he had just experienced. A shiver made its way down his spine and he found himself standing up, placing his feet on the cold floor.

His strides were purposeful as he knowingly walked down the hall to the room he desired, to the room that always held comfort and understanding and love. He couldn't help but shoot his gaze repeatedly over his shoulder, almost expecting a threat to pop out from the suffocating shadows. He let out a sigh of relief when he finally came across the door he was seeking and pushed it open, already feeling safer, until he saw the empty bed in front of him. The room was chilled and damp from lack of use, the familiar smell of candles and incense gone from the room along with its occupant.

He slowly made his way to the empty bed and sat his body upon it, a small cloud of dust materializing under his weight. The cold was bone chilling and he found himself rubbing at his arms for warmth as he fought back the tears threatening to fall. The deep seeded fear from his nightmare began to seep back into his mind and he picked up the pillow next to him, hugging the cool item to his body tightly for comfort. Michelangelo had never felt more alone.

Knowing that he would find no comfort tonight, Mikey stood, still clutching his brother's pillow to his chest and made his way quickly from the frighteningly empty room. He didn't know why he had expected to find comfort there tonight, habit most likely. He shook his head and turned his body back toward his room, then stopped. Mikey took a deep breath, not wanting to return to his bed where he knew more nightmares awaited him. He stood still in the hallway for a long time before he turned and made his way toward the living room.

He entered the dark room, seeing what he was seeking still sitting steady on the edge of the end table. Mikey fished in the drawer and pulled out a match striking it quickly and lighting the small candle, one of the only things that his brother left behind for them. Mikey stared into the small flame, his body suddenly feeling more relaxed as the warmth of the flame caressed his skin in stark contrast to the cool sewer air around him. He made his way around the table and laid his still trembling body on the couch, putting his brother's pillow under his head. He closed his eyes, finally feeling the peace he so longed for, and feeling his brother's presence closer to him than he had in a long while, and under the light of the candle and the warmth of the flame, Michelangelo found sleep.

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone  
>Something I rely on to get home<br>One I can feel at night  
>A naked light, a fire to keep me warm<br>Try to leave a light on when I'm gone  
>Even in the daylight, shine on<br>And when it's late at night you can look inside  
>You won't feel so alone<p>

Raphael stood silently on the roof, one foot propped up on the ledge, his arms resting on his knee as he leaned over and watched the people dart around below. The cool wind whipped over his face, blowing his bandana tails backward, dancing in the breeze. His darkened eyes watched as people moved through the night, hailing cabs, laughing with their friends, seemingly without a care in the world. He closed his eyes, shutting out the happy world beneath him, unable to feel even the slightest hint of warmth.

Leo had walked out on them almost a year ago. A year. Raph had been shocked to find the next morning that Leo was gone. The one brother that seemed destined to never stray from the family had left without a word or goodbye. The hurt that Raphael had felt at the news still haunted him. He had never felt so expendable, like he had been cast aside at the hint of a better life. The hurt had lasted, but as the days passed into weeks, then weeks into months and he saw the toll that Leo's absence was taking on his family, his hurt melted away and turned into a pure, unhindered anger. He had left them. He was too good for them. The truth hurt.

Raph clenched his teeth and opened his eyes into narrow slits, the all too familiar feeling of abandonment settling deep within his stomach. He knew it was late. He knew that Don and Mikey were probably wondering where he was, but he couldn't bring himself to go back to that empty shell that was once his home. He hated to admit it, but without Leo, the lair was cold, unfamiliar, and nothing made sense. Though he and Leo always fought, Leo was also the brother who understood him the most. Leo was the one who challenged him, who drove him to be better, and despite it all, supported him. Everything seemed harder without his oldest brother and he resented him for bringing this upon them, and as he watched his younger brothers try to move on with their lives, he grew to resent them too.

A sharp gust of wind blew by and Raph wrapped his arms around himself to try and gain warmth. He moved from the edge of the roof and came upon the small alcove at the top of the building. He leaned his forehead against the cool brick and again clenched his eyes closed, trying to forget about how angry he was at his older brother, and how much he missed him. As the emotions bubbled over, Raph let out a loud growl and punched his fist into the brick wall, almost relishing in the pain that it caused because it distracted him from his deep seated feeling of abandonment.

A scream pierced the night and Raph turned away from the brick and rushed forward, his hands immediately going to his belt where his sais rested. He reached the edge of the roof and down in a dark alley he saw a woman being attacked by three assailants. Raph clenched his teeth and without a second thought leapt down the fire escape and into battle.

An hour later Raph made his way through the sewers on his way back home. He had a small smile on his face as he made his way through the underground labyrinth and for the first time since his brother had left he felt like he was worth something. He felt like he had a purpose. He came across the entrance to the lair and opened the door, striding into the dark and empty living space. His elation melted away slowly as he took in the forlorn area, empty and cold. It looked like his brothers had gone to bed. He was grateful, he didn't want to face Don after the words that they had spoken, not yet. He walked further into the lair, and turned to make his way to his room, then stopped. He turned around and saw the small candle that sat, sturdy and unmoving on the edge of the end table. Raph found himself walking slowly over to the candle, the one thing that stayed the same in the lair since his brother had left. A loneliness settled within him, and he reached for the drawer in the table, pulling out the book of matches he knew to be there. He took a match in his hand and struck it, the light almost blinding, and brought the flame to the candle, igniting the heavily worn wick.

Raph sat and watched the flame dance across the otherwise dark room and the lair suddenly felt a bit warmer. He stared at the candle and he steeled his gaze, a resolve settling over him. He would not allow his own feelings of hurt and abandonment to get the best of him anymore. He would become something stronger. He looked at the sturdy flame and his brother felt closer to him than he had in a long time. A strength began to build within him. He would take over the protection of this city in his brother's stead. And Raphael smiled.

Sometimes it feels like we've run out of luck  
>When the signal keeps on breaking up<br>When the wires cross in my brain  
>You'll start my heart again<br>When I come along

He came across the door, a door he had not seen in a long time. He pushed his hand up to the cool steel and leaned forward, laying his cheek against it and closing his eyes, trying to gather the strength he needed to enter, the strength he needed to finish his journey. He finally reached out and pulled the cleverly hidden handle, causing the door to swing open. He stood in the empty doorway, peering into the darkened lair. His eyes slowly adjusted and he took a tentative step forward.

His heightened senses picked up sound and as he continued to move forward a soft glow came from the living room. He quickened his steps, his heart warming as he came closer to his family. He stepped into the room and his eyes fell on his youngest brother, leaned back heavily in the couch, snoring softly as the T.V. played softly in the background. A warm smile formed across his face and he stared at his beloved brother, and he felt as though he could burst with emotion. He had not realized how much he had missed him.

Another flickering light caught his eye, a light that was not coming from the television in front of him. His gaze turned and his eyes fell upon the large candle, melted down to less than half of what it previously was, but in the same place he had left it so long ago. A dancing flame burned at the overused wick, small but strong as the candle burned. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes and his throat began to burn. An overwhelming emotion overcame him as he saw the small symbol that he had left his family before departed, burning as strong as though he had left only yesterday. Leo wiped the tears from his eyes and swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. A warmth filled him, and he realized then that he had truly found his way home.

He finally pulled himself away from the tiny flame and from the form of his sleeping brother and turned his body down the hall, his steps a bit lighter as he made his way down the hall to the last bedroom, the one where more flickering light shone through the crack in the door. He reached the door and took in the smell of incense and vanilla and despite his fears and his insecurities at his return, he smiled. He was home.

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone  
>Something I rely on to get home<br>One I can feel at night  
>A naked light, a fire to keep me warm<br>Try to leave a light on when I'm gone  
>Even in the daylight, shine on<br>And when it's late at night you can look inside  
>You won't feel so alone<p>

* * *

><p>This was a small one shot that I wrote a few years ago, but had lost track of when life took over. Now that I started writing a bit again, I figured I would post it. Again, better late than never I guess.<p>

Whenever I heard this song the on the radio, all I could think of was how it related to the newest movie, and that is where this came from. I hope it was enjoyable.


End file.
